Wanna be a kept woman ltr

Added: Antwonette Dziedzic - Date: 14.11.2021 19:26 - Views: 20865 - Clicks: 3392

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Old wounds have many ways of stealing into relationships. Everyone is capable of having a connection that is loving and life-giving — a relationship that allows each person to be completely seen, stripped back to bare, pretences gone, flaws and vulnerabilities on full show. The walls need to fall and the armour needs to soften.

Armour is the protective wrap we put around ourselves to stop the things that have hurt us before from ever hurting us again. The deepest wounds often come from childhood. They can affect the way people see the world, themselves and their relationships. They can shape the expectations people have of themselves and others, and what they think they deserve. They can also affect people on a physiological level — the way they hold themselves physically, the way they move, their nervous system, and their brain.

But none of this has to be permanent. Of course, not all wounds come from childhood. Few of us reach adulthood without having had our hearts broken, our ideas about love questioned and our spirits bruised. In fact, by providing an opportunity for self-reflection, learning and experimentation, past hurts can be the gateway to stronger relationships — but this does take effort, a willingness to explore and the courage to experiment with a different way of being.

The capacity for that is in all of us. In the same way that with deliberate effort and practice we can expand our physical capabilities, we can also extend well past the self-enforced limits of our emotional edges. The existence and influence of old wounds will often be out of our awareness. Old wounds set to work when something in the present moment triggers old memories that are attached to old hurts.

Here are some things that will enrich and enliven any relationship. Try experimenting and see which ones nourish your relationship and deepen your connection. Pay attention to your own needs. Everything you need to find balance and live whole-heartedly is already in you. Take notice. If the way you deal with hurt and disappointment is with a stoic pushing down of the feeling, try trusting your capacity to support yourself.

The only way to deal with feelings is to feel them. They exist for a good reason and hold information about what you need or the direction you need to take. The more you push them down, the more damage they do — they toughen your armour, harden you and swipe at your capacity to connect. Be careful of self-talk that sounds like self-pity, victim talk, defensiveness or anger. Self-talk is the silent, automatic messages that swirl around in your head. When you listen to the messages, you might be surprised by the tone and the words.

The way you talk to Wanna be a kept woman ltr will leak into the Wanna be a kept woman ltr you are with the people close to you. Your self-talk might need some redirecting. This will mean being clear and strong with yourself sometimes, and comforting and tender at other times. There are parts of all of us that are so soft, tender and raw that the temptation is to hide them away for protection.

Open up, little by little. It might be in the way you relate, the way you touch, the loving words you offer, the softening of yourself around someone. What do you do when the conversation gets hard?

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Do you flare up? Shut down? Walk away? Try slowing things down so you can respond more deliberately and be less barrelled by automatic responses and old memories that happen out of your awareness. Avoiding difficult conversations has a way of driving distance between people.

When one of you disengages, the other will soon follow. When this happens, issues will keep their heat and turn the solid foundation of your relationship to mud. If you feel yourself getting flighty, try grounding yourself. Feel your feet on the floor, your back, your legs.

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Slow your breathing and remember that they are just feelings. We all get into habitual ways of responding in relationships. They happen instantly and without conscious thought. Slow down the process. Breathe so you can give yourself time and widen the space between what happens or what is said, and your response. Consider Wanna be a kept woman ltr you can do — or stop doing — to make it easier for the other person to give you what you need.

The more open and emotionally generous you can be, the more the other person will have permission to do the same. All relationships will come into conflict now and then. Use it wisely. We all get it wrong sometimes and we all do stupid things that hurt the people we love. It can be pretty cold and lonely up there. The silent treatment, getting personal or nasty, or fiercely claiming victim status might feel good at the time, but it will sink your relationship in the long run. Speak with an open heart.

Attack is attack and criticism is criticism, however you dress them up. Speaking with an open heart means talking about how you feel.

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What are the words? What are you scared will happen if you stay open? It just gives it the power to hurt you from the dark. Listen with your heart and your full body. People will open up and be more ready to connect when they feel heard and seen. When your partner is talking notice how you hold your body. Are you open? What about your face? Is it hard? When you have an emotional reaction to your partner, what does this remind you of? What is your earliest memory of these feelings? You might need to sit with them for a while to let them speak to you. What about your partner?

Who does he or she remind you of? Then — how are they different? Focusing on the differences will help you to stop seeing your partner or your relationship through an old filter. Be aware of this Wanna be a kept woman ltr move Wanna be a kept woman ltr into your safety zone if you want to, but remember the reasons you wanted to move out of it and let it be a temporary refuge, not a permanent address.

There is always the possibility for a new kind of normal. One that is richer, more open, more loving and more connected. This article is really insightful and sets excellent groundwork for starting the journey to healing past the wounds. She found out because she had the notion to go through my phone.

I was introduced to armor as. Armor kept me safe from feeling discomfort, feeling like a failure, feeling weak or imperfect, from how it felt when my parents came down on me My Mother struggles with depression. It kept me protected when I was sexually violated as a. It kept me safe when I grew up and dated takers vs givers like myself. It kept me warm when I had to self soothe, experienced distrust and felt like I had no space to be naked.

Armor has kept me. So I walked into this, afraid to admit my shortcomings or bad decisions, afraid of judgement, afraid of her perceptions, just not able to be naked.

Wanna be a kept woman ltr

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