Added: Keandra Schulze - Date: 01.02.2022 06:50 - Views: 24101 - Clicks: 4650
Last summer, after months of incessant questions from my mother on my relationship status and rapidly ticking body clock I was 23! My outburst, which I regretted soon after, was a result of months of questioning with a hidden, or rather, glaringly transparent agenda.
It was time for me to find my Albanian life partner. Emphasis on the Albanian part. My parents well, mostly my mother as my father typically exits the room as soon as this kind of topic comes up were not wholly unreasonable. Besides, if I were to look for a native Kosovar man, I may be pursued for what was apparently my most attractive asset — my British passport.
Forget my other redeeming qualities. She had a son who was interested in finding a nice young lady to bring home and, luckily for me, I seemed to fit the part an Albanian mother really is your greatest wingman. According to my mother, I was a hot prospect for a breadth of Albanian bachelors, so I needed to be proactive in finding a suitable Albanian partner. Your aunt knows of a nice Albanian in rural Germany! What about this Albanian man in Norway? As these needling questions became more frequent, my patience began to wear thin.
This patience soon grew into frustration, which led to my aforementioned outburst. After years of skirting around thinly-veiled remarks about my ambiguous love life, I finally came clean to my mother. I was in an almost two-year relationship with a — gasp — non-Albanian man. The scandal! The betrayal! The audacity that I, a shqiptare, was not upholding my predestined narrative set out from birth. Following on from this slight hiccup in our mother-daughter relationship, it took the best part of a year for her to come around and accept that this was in fact a serious commitment and that no, I was not interested in the Albanian solicitor from Norway, no matter how chiselled he was.
His story was the tale of many Albanian immigrants from Kosovo — his family having sought asylum in the UK during the spring of It was here that he first learnt to read, write and speak and he spoke with a distinct East London twang to prove it. As we caught up on our past and studies and careers, our personal lives naturally came up in conversation.
Dating an albanian guy told me his older sister was now engaged to an Albanian man from Kosovo. I Dating an albanian guy taken aback slightly at this — what are the chances they both find fellow Albanians to settle down with? He had been native to London far longer than I had, seeing as I spent most of my teenage years in Prishtina. I knew the Dating an albanian guy of my love life would soon be brought up, so in a panic, I contemplated lying.
What would he think if I told him the truth?
That my boyfriend was English? Yet, I was intrigued to get his reaction, so I was upfront. It is easy to feel guilt that is not yours, especially when everywhere you go, you are met with accusation and judgement because of your personal choices. Growing up as a woman in an Albanian household, there is always the expectation to play the role of the dutiful daughter. These words were reiterated throughout my childhood and my young impressionable self easily internalized this belief, so much Dating an albanian guy that I would immediately discount any sort of feelings I had toward anyone who did not meet this criterion.
Yet, as I entered early adulthood and wrestled with what was expected of me and what or who I wanted to do, I realized that no matter my achievements, if I did not follow through with this preordained narrative of my love life, I would be known in my Albanian social circle as that Albanian woman who chose a foreigner. When there were so many potential Albanian men available. The audacity! To make life harder for myself, I was planning an overdue trip to Kosovo with my boyfriend and a group of university friends.
However, as the date inched closer and I Dating an albanian guy myself cramming holiday clothes into my suitcase, I could not shirk the lingering feeling of anxiety. How was I going to hide my boyfriend when I got there? My parents had not been overly thrilled with the prospect of telling people who I was dating and none of my family had any idea. So on the journey to Prishtina, on a clunky and overcrowded coach from Budva, I began strategizing a plan to sneak my boyfriend in and out of the house once we arrived, so as to avoid the prying eyes and flitting whispers.
A difficult feat with my Nana living next door. She had a habit of appearing at those exact incriminating moments you wanted to avoid. At night. A wig? My Nana was impossible to fool so one morning when I went over for tea, I knew she had sussed me out already. There it was. I juggled with the truth yet again but came clean. Yes, he was my boyfriend.
What I Dating an albanian guy not expect were the words of relief that followed. She was happy at the news — positively beaming. Still shocked by her acceptance, I ran back into the house to tell my boyfriend and Dating an albanian guy the two, with me acting as a translator between her lack of English and his very basic Albanian skills. I realized that not only had I made my anxiety flare up due to the constant fretting over this now trivial matter, I had also made my boyfriend feel unwelcome and uncomfortable.
It angered me that I had allowed this to be a preconception of my native country. I speak from my own experiences when I say that a lot of the diaspora seem to have stagnated with their mindset and views on social issues, particularly compared to their non-diaspora counterparts in Kosovo. Forgive me if I come across too general in my assumptions, but this is a view that I have heard expressed by my friends in Kosovo, many of whom have relatives in the diaspora. Their schatzi cousins who set off on their annual summer trips to Kosovo, driving around in flashy BMWs and distinctly branded clothing, are encouraged by their families to seek an Albanian partner, despite speaking in fragmented Albanian.
Yet, after the elaborate weddings are held and the last jingle of the def has been sounded, these couples with nothing but the same heritage in common do not always last. Your shared Albanian-ness is no guarantee that a relationship will work, as much as this is instilled in us. I understand that there is a desire and duty to protect our Albanian culture that we have fought so hard to retain in the face of adversity and systematic discrimination. I know my parents, like so many other Albanian parents living in the diaspora, fear that their children will forget the country so many of our ancestors fought for and wrote poems about.
That we will grow and lose the ability to converse in our native tongue. That our children will not know the history and sacrifices of our people. But is this really the case? Do we not give second-generation immigrants in the diaspora enough faith? I am sure you are aware of the recent global Albanian takeover — in sports, art and music. They, like all Albanians in the diaspora, carry an unwavering love and connection to their country.
We are shqiperegardless of who we choose to commit to. My Dating an albanian guy to date beyond my predestined dating pool does not take away from my Albanian-ness. My English boyfriend has now learnt the history of Skanderbeg. He can do the intertwined hand eagle and loves mantia. He has downloaded an app to help him learn Albanian and, even more impressive, he can now distinguish an Albanian from a mile away.
Trying to assimilate and integrate in a foreign country whilst also trying to retain your Albanian identity is no easy feat. If my Nana is accepting of my dating choices, then you should be too. Hello my fellow Albanians.! Speaking from experience other Nationalities have the same issues when it comes to marriage Or marrying other nationalities. This marrying another person or dating from another Country has been happening way before you were born. My Father is highly Educated and my Mother we had conversations and understanding of marriages and it was never forced in me to marry Albanian.
It has a lot to do with Educating people than it has being Albanian, we are both Albanian but we have nothing in common including the Culture your Parents have.
The only thing we have in common is Nationality being Albanian. Seems like it was your close circle of Family issues with you and your decision and educating them and being open minded.
I encourage you to just live a happy and healthy life forget what others think of you and how you should live lol. Some people just love drama and attention and bashing Albanians on internet rather than discussing your own personal experiences with your own family and friends says alot about you than says about being Albanian.
Ju mungon Edukata disa individave por jo Te gjithve Shqiptarve. Per ket arsye nuk ke te drejt zonje te shkruash history qe bazohesh ne prinderit e tu e jo Te gjithve ne Shqiptaret. Your article has perfectly described what it's like to fail the prophecy of marrying an Albanian.
You're one of the first Albanians I've heard say that it is completely fine to do! Thank you very much for this amazing story of yours. It is encouraging that you find words for this issue that hits all of us, and I think this is not exaggerated, who grow up in the diaspora. The fears, the dreams of the parentsthe life in two worlds Dating an albanian guy just won't seem able to be compatible for many are a big weight to carry. Beautifully portrayed and sadly true. It most certainly is no easy feat to find your 'life-partner' in a country where you no longer live with everybody's sight being your passport in the first place.
My cousin went through 2 marriages already with guys from Kosovo who used her as a way to get in Germany. Now on her third marriage she's with an Albanian from Switzerland, I often would asked myself why? Why would you lock yourself to dating strictly Albanians because of your parents wishes despite having such horrible experiences with two of your last husbands using you for Visa purposes?
I mean, clearly the one from Switzerland won't need such a thing but she never even thought about marrying a non-Albanian because of her parents 'lectures' throughout the years, which sure led her to a lot of suffering until the most recent marriage. Thankfully I think we're reaching a time where things are becoming more accepting and sympathetic towards these kind of decisions as well as the hard choices that Albanians abroad sometimes have to make, don't get me wrong though, there's still a lot of work to be Dating an albanian guy.
Anyways, it was a pleasure knowing Dating an albanian guy Nana was accepting of it despite her age! Reminds me of my own experience a little bit. I was worrying and full of anxiety when I had to bring my American wife over, turns out.
My mother wasn't as supportive at first which was really hard as you would imagine but now she's thankfully in love with her. Obviously I still feel like some cousins are not fully accepting or give weird looks, but what can I do? Certainly not leave the person whom I love the most for. Long story short I think it comes down to as long as your family loves and respects what you are they'll support you through any decision even if it might make them step a little out of their 'comfort-zone'. Anyways, great read and Best Wishes!
Blogbox Diaspora Dating in the diaspora. By Eliza Adriani - Finding love and challenging expectations. The audacity that I, a 'shqiptare,' was not upholding my predestined narrative set out from birth. I could not shirk the lingering feeling of anxiety. I had also made my boyfriend feel unwelcome and uncomfortable.Dating an albanian guy
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